I really don't have any motivation... I've been home all day and I've done nothing but lazy around and eat. Not snacking, just my meals... but I know what's coming up for dinner and the calories from dinner are going to shoot my daily intake through the roof... I hate to make myself something different, because I refuse to do it for my daughter, but hot dogs just don't go with a diet... not in the slightest.
I'm having a hard time controlling my diet. I have good days where I can tell myself NO and listen to myself, but most of the time, I give in. Last night, I had 5 oreos right before bed... but I justified it by the fact that I did 25 minutes of pilates. That's not justification, that was just a waste and a mistake. I know I need to allow myself a "reward" now and then but I just allow way too much.
I think back to 7th grade, when I became anorexic and I have no idea how I let myself go days without food... and when I did eat, it was minimal and ONLY bananas or chicken. I never let myself eat junk food. For 3 years, I did this. It was all due to the boyfriend at the time, and the peer pressure to be thin. I was 160lbs in 6th grade and when I got to junior high, all the girls were thin and developed and I was fat and awkward. I lost a ton of weight and ended up being 110 pounds and felt pretty good about myself. You know, minus all the visits to the hospital from passing out from malnutrition.
Now, looking back, I have no idea how I was able to do it. Maybe it's because I hadn't been through 2 pregnancies and given in to ALL food cravings for close to a year. I love food so much that I would be depressed if I were anorexic again.
I am proud of myself for doing pilates last night with a DVD from the library. Pilates for Dummies. My daughter did them with me, and it was hysterical. I was laughing so much. My abdominal muscles hurt so bad today, so that tells me I did SOMETHING. I am free all week of appointments until Friday, so I am going to force myself to do a little bit every day. I have been slacking so much, giving myself excuse after excuse as to why I don't have to do it today... but just because Carmen is home, or Eric is off, or Daniel is awake doesn't allow me to be such a slacker. After 2 c-sections, the weight becomes harder to lose, and if I keep putting it off, the weight will keep packing on and it will be harder to lose. I am 25 years old, and before I know it, I will be in my 30's and once you hit that mark, it's hard to lose weight that has been sitting there for 5 years... and I can't allow myself to just let myself go. I've seen it happen to so many people I know and it makes me so sad.
I haven't weighed myself in almost a week. I'm honestly afraid to.
I'll do it tomorrow.
Maybe your focus just needs to switch. Instead of thinking about all the weight you want to lose, try to focus on just making healthier choices, and have your goal to be healthy and feel good. I think the weight loss will come and instead of having to starve yourself & ending up where you were in jr. high you will settle at a weight that is good/healthy for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm by no means an expert, but when my previous relationship was failing/I was stressed out in college/just metabolism slowing down/etc. I gained my freshman almost-20 in less than a year. I freaked about it for a while, when I was in high school I didn't have to try at ALL and I was 110 soaking wet, and here I was weighing more than I ever had and feeling rather crummy (and I hadn't had a baby- much less 2 c-sections!) I was never successful in losing weight even by calorie counting and stuff. I just made a few changes-- quit eating out so much (this is easier now since I'm married and poor LOL), switched to Diet pop, ate breakfast, packed my lunches when I wasn't hungry (so making less), quit buying junkfood, and trying to get some sort of exercise every day.
I ended up settling around 120-125 and I've been here for a while. Not what I was in high school but I'm healthy.
And things like buying healthy foods will help Carmen learn to make those healthy choices as she grows up too :)
And know that no matter what you are a very beautiful lady & an awesome mom :)
Hang in there Eva. It's never going to be easy to make the lifestyle change, but it's a fanastic start that you recognize the mistakes. You can learn from them, and go from there. We're not always going to be on target, and we're not always going to have fantastic weigh in's. Just hop back on the bandwagon and start again.
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